A friend just showed me her newly restarted blog and something I read there has stuck with me today - the concept of becoming "open and more open". I have found myself struggling lately in a few arenas, and I think it is a function of my shutting down in my recovery work and in my relationship at home - not intentionally but perhaps one of those situations where you just get tired of working and start to coast. It is not a secret to folks who know me that, despite my propensity to jabber and despite my willingness to talk freely about *some* pretty personal topics, I am not a particularly open person. I talk all the time, but it is entirely selective and I tightly control certain information. It is a damn struggle to keep pushing myself to not only knock holes in those walls, and I think I have kind of plateaued in that process when I think ahead to the work of keeping the holes open and then turn the holes into windows and then doors and then maybe an entire open floor plan. It is daunting.
Open and more open...at first blush my mind says "oh I can't!" But life is just one step in front of the other - not marching in place, but one step in front of the other. And all these great ideas, and I immediately suspect something is a great idea for me when I become decidedly uncomfortable, give me a direction in which to step. I love my friends (both in blogland and in real life, and especially those who have a foot in both worlds) who inspire me, and intrigue me, and give me options I perhaps never would have conceived on my own. I'm not sure what I can do with this new great idea, but I suspect that once something like this is bouncing around in my head, something good (great?) will follow...
Ah, yes, the mistress of openness. I see her presence in decisions, change, and surprise (all of which can be related). Tp be open about myself is one thing but to be open to what is facing you in your life is another. I keep myself to myself as well - or speak in the riddles or art or poetry. Interesting stuff.
ReplyDeleteNot only "one step in front of the other," but also one step at a time. It's hard to see the end of the path, but having faith in the process of traversing the path is key. I look forward to the door which opens when this key is inserted into its lock.
ReplyDeleteYou have to say, "Open Sesame" do you remember this? it is about control, darling. control keeps me sane sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThis is a fascinating concept to me and one I've written about before. I may have a journal entry to share some Sunday on this one. And I'm looking forward to whatever you're willing to share about where this leads you.
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