Thursday, December 15, 2011

Crushes - Volume 1

Here's where it's going to get interesting folks.  A topic that has been high on my list has been to consider my list of crushes, in an attempt to see what patterns might be found.  I'm afraid this subject will take several volumes, however, so at the moment I'm trying to decide where to start...

Preview:  I have a very advanced and powerful imagination.  I find telling myself stories in my head to be often as entertaining as anything I could watch or read.  My personal favorite over the years has been the "docudrama".  I start with a real person and then spin a fantasy out of the little pieces of facts that come from that person.  I suspect the introduction of Harlequin romances, and the more graphic romance novels that followed, really skewed my version of romance reality...

OK, so I guess we start at the beginning...the very first crush I recall was Donny Osmond in my early elementary school years.  I bought the bubble gum cards and loved my purple socks.  Next came the tweener years...I loved Leif Garrett (honestly though it had more to do with his starring in a made for TV movie about the pony express, I think I loved the horse more) and The Fonz and John Travolta.  Junior High brought about all things sci-fi and Dirk Benedict from Battlestar Galactica was it for me.  I did NOT like baby faced boys generally (John Travolta obviously is an exception), so no Shaun Cassidy or Andy Gibb for me. 

In about 8th grade I must have decided to focus more on real people.  But I maintained the same distance.  I picked a guy a couple years older than me, memorized his name, address, birthdate, class schedule, and stared at him from afar.  All the while, running a film loop in my head of the moment he would notice me...starting with the first hello and moving quickly toward the married and happily ever after.  It didn't work out with John.  Don't suppose I ever even spoke a word to him. 

10th grade - new guy.  New film loop.  Same plot.  11th grade - new guy.  New film loop.  Mostly same plot but this time the crush became "known".  You know - you tell someone you 'like him like him' and then everyone knows but nothing happens?  Now this particular guy, also John (hmmm...is that my pattern?), was the best looking guy in our school.  Tall, handsome, friendly, athletic...yep, I had good taste and had upgraded my leading man accordingly.  It was a small school, we were friends, and I was just a complete freakin' dork about him.  I have gotten to know John better in the years since high school...sidenote: he told me at our 10 year reunion that he "should have taken me to prom", so I consider him my retroactive junior prom date.  Good thing I had until the 10 year reunion to hear that news - if he had asked me to prom, when I was 16, I would likely have imploded. 

Then came senior year.  I showed up in August for pre-season volleyball and there was the senior year guy, on the gym stage.  I knew him - but he had grown several inches in height and added a huge layer of muscle over the summer.  Wow.Za.  I was done.  I took a further step during my crush year on NonJohn - he and I actually went out on a date!  No kissing or other physical stuff, and no second date, but hey, it was something.  It actually is a testament to how nice NonJohn was, even as a dumb teenage boy.  My friend and I had decided to ask 2 guys out on a double date.  She asked her guy the very next morning.  And she let everyone know what I was supposed to do.  I couldn't do it.  End of the school day, time to catch the bus, and NonJohn waited for me - after everyone in our 7th period class had left - and made small talk with me until I worked up the nerve to do what he knew I was trying to do.  Bless his handsome heart.  He asked me to dance at a school dance around that same time too...slow song, hot guy in his football jersey...ah memories.  NonJohn and I never went any further down the romance path.  We have remained in touch ever since high school and are friends to this day, but as I've gotten to know him over the years, I realize how incompatible we would have been as a couple.  Much the same as NonJohn and the others, all the way back to Donny Osmond...what is it with me picking guys for their looks and charm, instead of how our personalities match?

6 comments:

  1. Now there is a phrase that leaps out to me: "romance reality." It does not evoke images so much, as emotions. The old, "Does she REALLY see something in ME? Or is this another "romance reality" gut-check? Speaking for myself, I never want to go back to that carnival, that features the "Tilt-A-Whirl" of youthful uncertainty. It isn't that I know it all; I just don't need to anymore.

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  2. Never never never want to go back either Mark! What did I mean by "romance reality"...you see, I don't think out my words before I type them, or change them much on proof reading before hitting "publish"...what I can say is that it was crushing to me to learn that romance in the real world (or maybe just in my life) does not happen as it is described in romance novels. And for some naive reason, I didn't expect that. That first serious kissing session, when I was still pondering what homework I had to do before the next day, was really a sad and depressing reality check - with absolutely no fault placed on the enthusiasm of skills of said kissing partner.

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  3. I wrote a post last month about "crushes" and how our mind goes back there again and again. I had several crushes similar to your high school experiences--with little to no real contact with the admiree (that's totally a word, right?). And one MAJOR epic crush, who I refer to on the blog as "Mr. High School." Our reunion saga is on the sidebar of blog.

    I love the "retroactive junior prom date" phrase. LOVE it!

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  4. MM - I just read the whole string of Mr. High School posts (and a bunch of others). I get it completely. I also get the urge to get back in touch. And I hope that you realize what a great thing it was for you to contact him when you did (and perhaps the reason you felt compelled to do it - if you believe in pre-destination at all), given the short time you had to re-connect. What a gift you were given and he sounds like a terrific guy.

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  5. Sarah--thanks for taking the time to read all of that. I do realize what a blessing it was--and the timing thing gives me chills to this day.

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  6. I know I am late to the party here....but you will need at least one whole volume, maybe two, for the sports/athlete crushes....

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