Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I: Infatuated? Infuriated? Inebriated? Ineffectual?

Ah, the choices that come with the letter "I". 

I miss feeling infatuated about anything.  Those rose colored glasses days when I believed thoughts like life will be perfect when... I think life would be easier if I could just slap those glasses back on and pretend things are just grand.

Instead, I often feel infuriated.  I was told yesterday, as I ranted about a case to a counterpart from another county, my "problem" is that I care.  If I could just stop caring about doing right by people, then life gets easier.  Take the easy way out, stop struggling, and let someone else 'fight the good fight.'  Instead, I often find myself beating my head against a wall, and have to find a way to bring the serenity prayer to my work (you know, have the courage to change the things I can, but accept the things I cannot change).

I would like to feel inspired.  That is truly my "I" word of the day.  This blog is a way for me to air out the marauding thoughts that fill up my head, and maybe make some sense of the really good ideas that are probably also bouncing around in there, so that I can be free to find and follow what inspires me.  Inspiration to move forward in my life, inspiration to give my children the tools they will need to find their own way, inspiration to be happy more than I'm not, inspiration to love and be loved, and even the inspiration to come to work even when I don't want to, because I do make a difference whether I like it or not. 

3 comments:

  1. That's it - - I think we all make a difference whether we want to or not - - it's just that we can CHOOSE to make a positive difference or a not-so-positive difference. Thanks for the difference you are making every day!

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  2. Oh, I so hate it when someone says the problem is that I/you care. Why get out of bed otherwise!

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  3. Ha! You took a page out of my book. Infatuation is lovely (and can be dangerous - part of its attraction). Infuriated? Amen! Angry with parents who neglect children, with a culture that doesn't honor children, infuriated with so much more. Inspired? Not often. Mostly tired.... But I hold on to the good moments (and there was one today with a 7th grader who had witnessed a horrendous fight between her divorced parents last night - one that resulted in police involvement and some genuine trauma for the girl) - hold to the moments when you know you made a difference somewhere and be inspired to stick with it for a day or two longer.

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