Saturday, May 5, 2012

Whattaya think...

I have been a regular Al Anon attender since last August.  Most of the time, I am happy to go and happy when I leave.  Then I went to a meeting about six weeks ago and there was a big "group conscience" dispute for the first time - and, to me, the dispute being discussed was (a) stupid; and (b) unfairly discussed.  As soon as one person piped up her disagreement, everyone else just backtracked and tucked their tails and kissed so much ass it was nauseating.  And then it ended with some ridiculous hug-it-out kind of nonsense.  I was so irritated when I left that I was glad we were missing the next 3 weeks of our regular meeting.  Went back last week and it was OK ... but I didn't really want to be there and I definitely didn't feel any of my usual positive feelings when I left.  And then last night I really didn't want to go and I was so annoyed by the whole thing I actually left before it was over. 

So what to do?  Sean suggested perhaps I try a different meeting.  But honestly, what is annoying me the most is the rules of it all (the basic issue of the disagreement last month) and then the idea that I am totally at the mercy of whoever wants to talk up the whole meeting.  That's the point of the meeting I know, and everyone talks about all this safety and freedom at meetings, so what is wrong with ME for sitting there feeling completely hijacked and trapped? 

Not sure what my Al Anon future holds.  Not sure what I want it to hold.  Not sure what I get out of it.

4 comments:

  1. Right on, Sister! I hate to say it, but that is me in so many ways. IT's not about Al-Anon - it's about meetings and being at the mercy of the minority who want to talk it up all the time and then having to be pressed into making it all good. Falseness abounds.
    What does Al-Anon give to you? Perhaps it's original place in your life has been superseded by something else? Perhaps you have made room for what it originally gave you and now you can move on? IDK - just a thought. But, let me tell you, I so feel your annoyance and frustration.

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  2. Sounds like you need to find a place that is a more positive experience for you than just attendance feeling obligatory.

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  3. I think Graciewilde may be on to something. Perhaps you have used up all that Al-Anon has to offer and now you should find something else that gives you what you need NOW to be/stay better . . . ??

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    1. Or am I just mentally/emotionally separating myself from the group to avoid having to "work the program"? I agree with you and JT, but this is also a common defense mechanism for me (isolation).

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