Friday, March 30, 2012

swirling thoughts

It's been a whirlwind since returning to the real world a couple weeks ago. And the whirlwind in my brain contains so many compelling threads:  apathy, commitment, self-inventory, control, love, disappointment, detachment, frustration, job satisfaction, job dissatisfaction, parenting, advocacy ... the list goes on an on if I'm attentive enough to catch them all.

But what has filtered out as the first and foremost task for me is that self-inventory piece.  I find, on reflection, that despite my efforts, I am still laying blame and trying to effect control in areas of my life where it is not appropriate to do so.  And it is making me crazy.  It is time to quiet my brain for a moment or two, I think, and focus on my control issues - largely my internal and hardwired desire to control certain things, which are frustrated by my insistence that I cannot control them, which leads to a certain amount of inner turmoil. 

And I am looking so very forward to spending a day with my sister tomorrow.  I haven't seen her in ages and I miss her! 

p.s.  and I missed all of you too.  Until I was ready to get back to writing, I refused to let myself keep up on what everyone else was writing, so I have a LOT of catching up to do!

5 comments:

  1. I so get it! I am often pleased that no one can see the neurons snapping in my head, darting from one thought to the other, and too often with little resolution. Circles, circles, circles of thoughts! It makes me tired.

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  2. We are glad you are back, Sarah!!!

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  3. I hope you have a great sister time!

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  4. Heya! I've missed you but so glad you got a chance to recharge. I know that matters a lot. As you know, I am sure, that whirlwind lives in my brain too!

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