I just looked and it has been 22 days since my last post. My angst over that makes it feel much longer, so I was little relieved it see it hadn't yet been a month, though I do feel like this post is sort of a confession (I'm Sarah and it's been 22 days since my last log-on...). Mind you, I am not "should-ing" myself about writing every day or whatever, but I have been castigating myself over the not writing because I feel like I'm doing it (or not doing it, as it were) as a "so there!" or other oppositional reaction. What is up with that?
When I first started my blog, it was because I had so much rambling around in my head I just needed to get it out. I remember writing topic lists and just having item and idea one after the other. It was so easy! And I think as it got harder - and I started facing some of the personal decisions that come with blogging (yes, we all know what those are I'm sure!) - some part of my brain started with the "fine! then I just won't do it!" Then throw in a couple added life stressors and we have a 22 day strike. And trust me, it felt like a strike. I didn't read other people's blogs and I didn't even THINK about writing a post.
"Get over your damn self!" is my new internal mantra. A very wise friend said this to me a couple weeks ago - in the kindest and most indirect of ways - as I ranted on and on (again!) about work crap. And it comes back to that awesome Shawshank Redemption quote "get busy living, or get busy dying". If there are choices you opt not to choose (i.e. changing a job or whatever), then find the good in what you have and QUIT BITCHING ABOUT IT. Focus on the good and your mood will very likely lift - mine has. I have actually sailed through work the past couple weeks without any real whining at all and that is saying something!
I am also the queen of whining when life gets hard. I have had a remarkably easy life in so many ways. In looking back, it feels to me like I've rarely if ever truly challenged myself to do anything that takes struggle or perseverence (except the marathon that is marriage and parenthood, of course). As I am now coming out of my weird funk, I see that this blog writing stuff takes effort and perseverence - and doing it for the experience of doing it, not for any other purpose or for any other person.
Whew, glad to have that out of my system - how many Hail Marys do I have to do?