My girls and I laughed some months ago when our neighbor talked about taking their dog for a walk so he could check his "pee mail". But now after observing my little terrier mix, I have decided he is really more of a blogger. Lucky does not just check one or two particular "in boxes" when we are out walking - he browses a variety of sites, paying more attention to some than others. Some he is nearly wild to reach every time we head out for a walk, others he notes in passing or only on occasion.
Lucky's reaction to various sites also varies. Some get a quick read, others cause him to linger and even paw around for more information, most get a responsive "comment". Some places even cause him to burrow like the terrier he is, snuffling around to find every possible scent of interest.
Yes, my dog is a blogger. Intrepid and always curious. Good dog.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
from the middle
I haven't posted anything in three days. The only thing I can say about that, to explain, is that I think I am somewhere in the middle of a shift and I can't quite get myself steady enough to collect my wits entirely. I am experiencing a very weird feeling. My reactions to various things feel different. My emotions about various things feel different. My thoughts are scattered and undecided, sometimes, and clear as crystal and absolutely directed in others.
What came to mind today was that I am moving from Point A - where I've been - to some other place or at least onto some new path, and I kind of have a foot in each and neither feels 'normal' yet. It is a feeling like none I've ever felt before. It doesn't frighten me or give me anxiety ... I'm just kind of waiting, mostly patiently, to see what happens next. And even that mostly patient feeling is unprecedented for me.
Here I wait. I think I'll have to tell some stories of the past this weekend, while I wait. Savoring my mostly patient self...hahahahaha....
What came to mind today was that I am moving from Point A - where I've been - to some other place or at least onto some new path, and I kind of have a foot in each and neither feels 'normal' yet. It is a feeling like none I've ever felt before. It doesn't frighten me or give me anxiety ... I'm just kind of waiting, mostly patiently, to see what happens next. And even that mostly patient feeling is unprecedented for me.
Here I wait. I think I'll have to tell some stories of the past this weekend, while I wait. Savoring my mostly patient self...hahahahaha....
Monday, February 20, 2012
Downton Abbey
In the last two or three days, I have watched the seven episode first season of Downton Abbey - a PBS Masterpiece Theater production that I have heard about for some time now. I can't say I really enjoyed it to much, but I imagine I'll watch Season 2 when it shows up on Netflix as well.
As I was watching the earlier episodes, I was very grateful to live in the time that I live and in the country I live in. I can't imagine the classism, with the serving staff just as oppositional to anyone trying to strive for something more in life, than the upper class for whom they serve. "I could never live that way!" I thought to myself.
What struck me, as I watched the 7th episode last night, however, was how trapped everyone was in their roles. The serving staff wishing to move ahead had no more power to do so than the folks in the upper class - to be different or strike out for change meant being cut off from whatever support system one had. It reminded me of when I read The Help, which really struck home with me what a terrifying world it was, when one white person's complaint could lead not only to the arrest or death of the black person involved, but that black person's entire family could be turned out and shunned to the point of starving to death. Same in this 1920s or 1930s England, I think. If you became separated from your class of people, you could and would be shunned - even the separation was through no fault of your own.
For all the times in my life I've said "this is not working for me" and took a different path, I am very grateful for the freedom I have had to do that. I can't say I've ever felt entirely trapped - at least not by society or social norms. I am only as trapped as I imagine myself to be.
As I was watching the earlier episodes, I was very grateful to live in the time that I live and in the country I live in. I can't imagine the classism, with the serving staff just as oppositional to anyone trying to strive for something more in life, than the upper class for whom they serve. "I could never live that way!" I thought to myself.
What struck me, as I watched the 7th episode last night, however, was how trapped everyone was in their roles. The serving staff wishing to move ahead had no more power to do so than the folks in the upper class - to be different or strike out for change meant being cut off from whatever support system one had. It reminded me of when I read The Help, which really struck home with me what a terrifying world it was, when one white person's complaint could lead not only to the arrest or death of the black person involved, but that black person's entire family could be turned out and shunned to the point of starving to death. Same in this 1920s or 1930s England, I think. If you became separated from your class of people, you could and would be shunned - even the separation was through no fault of your own.
For all the times in my life I've said "this is not working for me" and took a different path, I am very grateful for the freedom I have had to do that. I can't say I've ever felt entirely trapped - at least not by society or social norms. I am only as trapped as I imagine myself to be.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
A good night
My husband and kids indulged me last night, as we road tripped 2 hours to see my niece play basketball. It also happened that my sister has my brother's 2 younger kids staying with her this weekend, so I knew I would get to see my sister's three kids, plus my other niece and nephew. AND one of the girls on the basketball team, who was injured a couple of weeks ago, was only 12 points from reaching the 1000 point mark, so I hoped to be present for that milestone, plus I always love visiting my alma mater high school...it was a good night.
Unfortunately, my niece's team lost, but her teammate did make her 12 points, despite really looking "off" due to her shoulder injury, so I got to be part of the cheering throng as she reached her major milestone (as a 10th grader!). Due to the loss, my niece was not in any mood to socialize, but she sent me a text after the game, she knew we were there, and she appreciated it.
My nephew, after complaining about how much I was yelling during the game (I am a fan - a mostly-positive vocal fan), then moved over to stand by me when I moved away from the rest of the group since I couldn't sit still and need to stand. He loves me just like his big brother does! My brother's daughter also came over to stand by me for a while, filling me in on her activities and upcoming events. I also gave her the necklace I made her for her upcoming birthday and she really liked it. Yay!
And as always, my sisters two younger daughters were full of hugs and smiles, always happy to have my family around.
It might be a bit of a hike to road trip down for events, but I never regret it. I love being part of my family, and my hometown community too.
Unfortunately, my niece's team lost, but her teammate did make her 12 points, despite really looking "off" due to her shoulder injury, so I got to be part of the cheering throng as she reached her major milestone (as a 10th grader!). Due to the loss, my niece was not in any mood to socialize, but she sent me a text after the game, she knew we were there, and she appreciated it.
My nephew, after complaining about how much I was yelling during the game (I am a fan - a mostly-positive vocal fan), then moved over to stand by me when I moved away from the rest of the group since I couldn't sit still and need to stand. He loves me just like his big brother does! My brother's daughter also came over to stand by me for a while, filling me in on her activities and upcoming events. I also gave her the necklace I made her for her upcoming birthday and she really liked it. Yay!
And as always, my sisters two younger daughters were full of hugs and smiles, always happy to have my family around.
It might be a bit of a hike to road trip down for events, but I never regret it. I love being part of my family, and my hometown community too.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Thought for the day...
My Seize the Day calendar has the following thought for today:
Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared. Edward Vernon Rickenbacker.
Hmmm...there have been a couple times in my life where I have been lauded for being "brave" for doing things that seemed really more like ... well, living day to day, to me. So I got to thinking what these words mean...and whether having courage and being brave are the same thing. Thanks to trusty old dictionary.com, here you have it:
So, I guess they are the same, general concept - but it doens't fit the thought of the day, since courage is to do something without fear and the thought of day says it isn't courage if you aren't afraid. I think perhaps you could bring these into alignment if, instead, you said that courage is facing difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without REGARD TO fear. That you are scared and you do it anyway.
Am I courageous or brave, particularly? I wouldn't say so. Facing my husband's addiction and time away in treatment, I don't think I was "being brave" when I got up and went work and got my kids to school and held things together while parts of my life were in turmoil. To me, there was no choice - I didn't have the luxury of laying down and pulling the blankets over my head. I don't think it was notably brave when I kicked my first husband out and quit my job and moved from Minnesota to Seattle back in 1991. Instead, I'd say I weighed the risks and benefits of my life as it was, versus my life if I changed pretty much everything. I voted for the unknown over the dead-end known in that case, and moved forward.
I would agree that most of the time I certainly have "the courage of my convictions". If I have weighed the options and made a decision and started down a certain path, I normally do it without a lot of self-doubt and fear. Healthy apprehension and concern for where I'm headed, sure, but if I've decided and my gut is at peace, then onward and upward!
Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared. Edward Vernon Rickenbacker.
Hmmm...there have been a couple times in my life where I have been lauded for being "brave" for doing things that seemed really more like ... well, living day to day, to me. So I got to thinking what these words mean...and whether having courage and being brave are the same thing. Thanks to trusty old dictionary.com, here you have it:
cour·age
ˈkɜrɪdʒ,ˈkʌr-Show Spelled[kur-ij, kuhr-] Show IPA
noun
1.
the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.
2.
Obsolete . the heart as the source of emotion.
brave
breɪvShow Spelled [breyv] Show IPA adjective, brav·er, brav·est, noun, verb, braved, brav·ing.
adjective
1.
possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance.
2.
making a fine appearance.
3.
Archaic . excellent; fine; admirable.
Am I courageous or brave, particularly? I wouldn't say so. Facing my husband's addiction and time away in treatment, I don't think I was "being brave" when I got up and went work and got my kids to school and held things together while parts of my life were in turmoil. To me, there was no choice - I didn't have the luxury of laying down and pulling the blankets over my head. I don't think it was notably brave when I kicked my first husband out and quit my job and moved from Minnesota to Seattle back in 1991. Instead, I'd say I weighed the risks and benefits of my life as it was, versus my life if I changed pretty much everything. I voted for the unknown over the dead-end known in that case, and moved forward.
I would agree that most of the time I certainly have "the courage of my convictions". If I have weighed the options and made a decision and started down a certain path, I normally do it without a lot of self-doubt and fear. Healthy apprehension and concern for where I'm headed, sure, but if I've decided and my gut is at peace, then onward and upward!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
And here we are at February 13 1/2...
I actually used to remove February 14th from my calendars. Either cut it out or past a 13 1/2 over it. I have long disliked, or even despised, this Hallmark holiday for the focus and import it puts on mushy-gushy b.s. that some people call "love".
I haven't really given my former position much thought in recent years. Now, from this vantage point of 40something, minivan-driving, married, mother of two, I still think it is a real pain in the hiney. Case in point:
I have now spent about 75% of my time with my kids in the past four days "making Valentines". Which means, at their ages, keeping after them to get them done. The 3rd grader finally buckled down and got them done without much hoopla, but the 1st grader, who only had to write names (the to: and from:) on cut out hearts, threw tantrum after tantrum. I told her that if she didn't make one for every kid in the class, then I wouldn't let her take any. I know she wants to have Valentines to hand out, and she would be heart broken if she didn't have them, but she is just so opposed to being told what to do and when to do it, that it becomes a battle. It was painful and really sucked away whatever Valentine-friendly feelings I was trying to nurture.
My husband is often good at sending me flowers or something for Valentine's Day - I won't be surprised if the local florist turns up at my office today and I will be happy if he does, but not mad or heartbroken if he doesn't. I feel a little guilty sometimes because I do not do the same for him, or at least not very often. He buys himself whatever he wants, so it makes gift-giving sort of pointless, even if I could think of something ... and this year, in light of the fact that I recently wrote him a very lovely love letter, I think I'm going to call it good. I adore him, and better yet, I appreciate him, but I do that 365 days a year and don't need some Hallmark card to make it true.
So, if you enjoy Valentine's Day, have at it. I'll be back in sync with your calendar on the 15th!
I haven't really given my former position much thought in recent years. Now, from this vantage point of 40something, minivan-driving, married, mother of two, I still think it is a real pain in the hiney. Case in point:
I have now spent about 75% of my time with my kids in the past four days "making Valentines". Which means, at their ages, keeping after them to get them done. The 3rd grader finally buckled down and got them done without much hoopla, but the 1st grader, who only had to write names (the to: and from:) on cut out hearts, threw tantrum after tantrum. I told her that if she didn't make one for every kid in the class, then I wouldn't let her take any. I know she wants to have Valentines to hand out, and she would be heart broken if she didn't have them, but she is just so opposed to being told what to do and when to do it, that it becomes a battle. It was painful and really sucked away whatever Valentine-friendly feelings I was trying to nurture.
My husband is often good at sending me flowers or something for Valentine's Day - I won't be surprised if the local florist turns up at my office today and I will be happy if he does, but not mad or heartbroken if he doesn't. I feel a little guilty sometimes because I do not do the same for him, or at least not very often. He buys himself whatever he wants, so it makes gift-giving sort of pointless, even if I could think of something ... and this year, in light of the fact that I recently wrote him a very lovely love letter, I think I'm going to call it good. I adore him, and better yet, I appreciate him, but I do that 365 days a year and don't need some Hallmark card to make it true.
So, if you enjoy Valentine's Day, have at it. I'll be back in sync with your calendar on the 15th!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Remember when 7:00 p.m. Tuesday meant something?
My younger daughter has been excited for three days about a new episode of some TV show ... first it was "when is Sunday? the new show is on Sunday!", then I looked up the schedule and learned that it was on at noon on Sunday, so then it became "is it 12 o'clock yet? when will 12 o'clock get here?" Sean and I started talking about how funny it is that our kids - in the era of DVRs and On Demand and NetFlix and all that - have no idea what it was to have one shot to catch a new TV episode and if you missed it, you were out of luck until summer rerun season. It was kind of cool, for today, to have my kids super excited for 12 o'clock Sunday to catch the latest episode of some show...
What I remember, all these years later, is that the Wonderful World of Disney was at 6p on Sunday, Happy Days was Tuesdays at 7p, Laverne & Shirley at 730p and I *think* Welcome Back Kotter and Mork & Mindy were on Tuesday nights too at some point,, Charlie's Angels at 9p on Wednesdays (had to get special dispensation to stay up for that)...
Remember having only 1 TV and, no remote control? Made easier by only having five channels of course.
This story doesn't have quite the same ring as my parents' stories of walking to school, in the snow, uphill both ways, toting their books and a French horn, but I suspect it will be one of my versions of how much harder I had it in my childhood! hahahahahahahah!
What I remember, all these years later, is that the Wonderful World of Disney was at 6p on Sunday, Happy Days was Tuesdays at 7p, Laverne & Shirley at 730p and I *think* Welcome Back Kotter and Mork & Mindy were on Tuesday nights too at some point,, Charlie's Angels at 9p on Wednesdays (had to get special dispensation to stay up for that)...
Remember having only 1 TV and, no remote control? Made easier by only having five channels of course.
This story doesn't have quite the same ring as my parents' stories of walking to school, in the snow, uphill both ways, toting their books and a French horn, but I suspect it will be one of my versions of how much harder I had it in my childhood! hahahahahahahah!
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