Tuesday, May 29, 2012
good news!
Remember that beach vacation I was swooning about a week or two ago? That one that was 143 days away, south of Tampa, on the gorgeous Gulf of Mexico, WITH NO KIDS OR HUSBANDS? Well, can I just say that I was never happier to realize I made a huge math error than I was when I realized I had made a huge math error ... that lovely trip begins in just 115 days (I was off by about a month). I should never do math in my head. And I should take more vacations.
I'm "it" - blog-tag anyone?
I have been tagged in a little "getting to know you" blog tag. Thanks go out to cdnkaro and her happy tagging post which you can read here. So, here goes!
Rules say that if you are tagged you have to write a post doing 3 things: (1) answering the 11 questions posed to you; (2) come up with 11 questions of your own; and (3) tag 11 blog-friends (no tag-backs) to answer your questions. All clear?
Step 1: My 11 answers
1. If you could have supper with any three people, be they currently living or not, who would you choose?
(1) My grandparents (I'm calling them a single unit, because I want all four) - because I was too young to realize all the things I'd like to know about them before they died; (2) Amelia Earhart - because I really want to know what happened to her; and (3) Jacob Wetterling - because I really want to be able to tell his parents what happened to him and that he's OK.
2. Why? See above.
3. Complete this sentence: The world needs more ______________ in order to be a better place.
Peace. I'm a hippie in my soul. Peace and Love, folks.
4. If you won the lottery, what are the first 3 things you would do?
Pay off all unsecured debt. Then set up college or "first downpayment" accounts for my kids and my nieces and nephews. And if there is enough money left, I'd plan a big party and pay for the travel expenses of all my friends to come and visit me.
5. What are three items on your bucket list?
(1) Ride in a hot air balloon; (2) Run a 5k and finish; (3) Be a judge on Iron Chef: America.
6. If you attended Hogwarts, to which house would you belong?
Ha ha! After we went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios in March, and then started reading the HP series together, my daughter and I have had this conversation multiple times. I usually tell her I'm Ravenclaw all the way (I'm the smart friend absolutely), though at times I think I'm ballsy enough to make the jump to Gryffindor.
7. If you had to choose only 3 words to describe yourself, what would those 3 words be?
Smart, funny, loyal
8. Complete this this sentence: the world needs less/fewer ______________ in order to be a better place.
Deadlines. We're all so busy meeting deadlines that we forget to smell the roses around us. And often, those deadlines are insignificant and arbitrary. And Kardashians.
9. Does knowing that someone has had body modifications (tattoos, piercings other than in the ears, plastic surgery, etc.) alter your perception/opinion of them?
It makes me more curious about them for sure - I always like to know why people do the things they do. Particularly when the body modification is of a type I'm unfamiliar with or uninterested in personally. I have watched every Discovery Channel program on body modifications that I've ever come across. Fascinating, whether it is something I'm into or not - and surprisingly I'm much less likely to be judgmental about tattoos and piercings than I am by cosmetic plastic surgery!
10. If you had only one day left to live, how would you spend that time?
Remember that party I wanted to host up in #4 - that's how I'd like to spend it. And I'd like to write a love note to everyone I love before I go.
11. What is the most thrilling experience you have ever had? (NOT pertaining to relationships or giving birth.)
Feeding and touching a dolphin. I was giddy about it for hours afterwards. That had been on my bucket list for years!
Whew!
Step 3: My tags (see how I get all oppositional with the rules, going out of order???)
I went through my blog list this morning and picked 11 women who write words I want to read. They have great things to say in every post and they make me feel things - which you all know from reading my blog over the past months is a work in progress for me (emotions are tricky things!). So, in no particular order, my tags are bestowed upon:
1. JT
2. Lisa
3. Cassie
4. Phoebe
5. Shannon
6. Rae
7. Amanda
8. Judy
9. MissAmandaJane
10. Michelle
11. Lynda
Lovely ladies all - with a variety of points of view - please take a minute to check them out!
Step 2: And here are my questions, for those brave enough to accept this challenge!
1. Do you, or did you before blogging, also write in any other formats?
2. Why did you start blogging (e.g. as a journal, as a message, as a business ...)
3. Do you ever have to stop reading another blog because the grammar or spelling makes you crazy?
4. Have you ever met the author of a blog you follow (not including folks you knew before you knew their blog)?
5. What is your all time best ever thing you ate?
6. If you had one week and an unlimited Visa card to go anywhere in the world, but you had to spend that week alone, where would you go and what would you do?
7. Excluding the aforementioned opinion you may or may not have about grammar and spelling, what is your one pet peeve of all time?
8. Have you ever visited a place and just "felt" that you belonged there?
9. Do you prefer to have a grocery store employee pack your bags or do you prefer to do it yourself?
10. How large was your high school graduating class, and have you ever attended a class reunion?
11. How do you feel about salon care - hair coloring/hair styling/manicure/pedicure/massage/facials?
Rules say that if you are tagged you have to write a post doing 3 things: (1) answering the 11 questions posed to you; (2) come up with 11 questions of your own; and (3) tag 11 blog-friends (no tag-backs) to answer your questions. All clear?
Step 1: My 11 answers
1. If you could have supper with any three people, be they currently living or not, who would you choose?
(1) My grandparents (I'm calling them a single unit, because I want all four) - because I was too young to realize all the things I'd like to know about them before they died; (2) Amelia Earhart - because I really want to know what happened to her; and (3) Jacob Wetterling - because I really want to be able to tell his parents what happened to him and that he's OK.
2. Why? See above.
3. Complete this sentence: The world needs more ______________ in order to be a better place.
Peace. I'm a hippie in my soul. Peace and Love, folks.
4. If you won the lottery, what are the first 3 things you would do?
Pay off all unsecured debt. Then set up college or "first downpayment" accounts for my kids and my nieces and nephews. And if there is enough money left, I'd plan a big party and pay for the travel expenses of all my friends to come and visit me.
5. What are three items on your bucket list?
(1) Ride in a hot air balloon; (2) Run a 5k and finish; (3) Be a judge on Iron Chef: America.
6. If you attended Hogwarts, to which house would you belong?
Ha ha! After we went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios in March, and then started reading the HP series together, my daughter and I have had this conversation multiple times. I usually tell her I'm Ravenclaw all the way (I'm the smart friend absolutely), though at times I think I'm ballsy enough to make the jump to Gryffindor.
7. If you had to choose only 3 words to describe yourself, what would those 3 words be?
Smart, funny, loyal
8. Complete this this sentence: the world needs less/fewer ______________ in order to be a better place.
Deadlines. We're all so busy meeting deadlines that we forget to smell the roses around us. And often, those deadlines are insignificant and arbitrary. And Kardashians.
9. Does knowing that someone has had body modifications (tattoos, piercings other than in the ears, plastic surgery, etc.) alter your perception/opinion of them?
It makes me more curious about them for sure - I always like to know why people do the things they do. Particularly when the body modification is of a type I'm unfamiliar with or uninterested in personally. I have watched every Discovery Channel program on body modifications that I've ever come across. Fascinating, whether it is something I'm into or not - and surprisingly I'm much less likely to be judgmental about tattoos and piercings than I am by cosmetic plastic surgery!
10. If you had only one day left to live, how would you spend that time?
Remember that party I wanted to host up in #4 - that's how I'd like to spend it. And I'd like to write a love note to everyone I love before I go.
11. What is the most thrilling experience you have ever had? (NOT pertaining to relationships or giving birth.)
Feeding and touching a dolphin. I was giddy about it for hours afterwards. That had been on my bucket list for years!
Whew!
Step 3: My tags (see how I get all oppositional with the rules, going out of order???)
I went through my blog list this morning and picked 11 women who write words I want to read. They have great things to say in every post and they make me feel things - which you all know from reading my blog over the past months is a work in progress for me (emotions are tricky things!). So, in no particular order, my tags are bestowed upon:
1. JT
2. Lisa
3. Cassie
4. Phoebe
5. Shannon
6. Rae
7. Amanda
8. Judy
9. MissAmandaJane
10. Michelle
11. Lynda
Lovely ladies all - with a variety of points of view - please take a minute to check them out!
Step 2: And here are my questions, for those brave enough to accept this challenge!
1. Do you, or did you before blogging, also write in any other formats?
2. Why did you start blogging (e.g. as a journal, as a message, as a business ...)
3. Do you ever have to stop reading another blog because the grammar or spelling makes you crazy?
4. Have you ever met the author of a blog you follow (not including folks you knew before you knew their blog)?
5. What is your all time best ever thing you ate?
6. If you had one week and an unlimited Visa card to go anywhere in the world, but you had to spend that week alone, where would you go and what would you do?
7. Excluding the aforementioned opinion you may or may not have about grammar and spelling, what is your one pet peeve of all time?
8. Have you ever visited a place and just "felt" that you belonged there?
9. Do you prefer to have a grocery store employee pack your bags or do you prefer to do it yourself?
10. How large was your high school graduating class, and have you ever attended a class reunion?
11. How do you feel about salon care - hair coloring/hair styling/manicure/pedicure/massage/facials?
Saturday, May 26, 2012
How do I feel?
A couple posts ago, I wrote about not writing. A friend commented that perhaps I should write about how it makes me feel when the damper is down on my writing. As I thought about that, my first thought was that I write about my feelings all the time, but it then occurred to me (and I haven't re-read my posts to verify this, but I think it is mostly true) that I write a lot about what I think about things, and what is going through my mind, but I suspect there is very little direct comment on how it makes me feel. I'm a thinker, not a feeler!
So here's what comes to mind when I try to identify my feelings over the past week or so:
Frustrated. I am currently stuck between a few different rocks and a few different hard places, and in the big picture, many of those rocks are things that I can't change, so it seems up to me to readjust myself to move the hard places instead and I am frustrated by my lack of creativity and drive to make those readjustments.
Angry. I have been angry a lot over the last couple weeks and I have bottled it up and up and up. And as happens once or twice a year when I find myself in this explosive place, I end up blowing my stack at the kids. That was last Saturday. I'd like to not ever do that again. Add parent guilt to this particular arena.
Sad. Loss of hopes and dreams is a hard one to process.
Guilt. So many things that I should do, that I could do, that I haven't done.
Disassociation. When my life gets too hard, I withdraw and I find myself playing the fantasy games I've used since I was a child to escape - telling myself made up stories that feature me in 'parallel universe' type story lines. It's usually a really good sign that I have some work to do in my real life and that I'm desperately trying to avoid whatever it is that needs to be done.
No wonder I've been in a blog-funk. I talk when I'm happy, I am quiet when I'm mad or blue. I'm not seeing a lot of room for happiness or joyfulness up there. Sure, I laughed and smiled along the way - at work, where I get to leave my real world behind. I don't blog about work, so that really doesn't help the writing situation! But despite all that, there is one small little positive feeling to note:
Hope. I'm seeing a glimmer that the path is there for me. I have a plan and have taken some baI'y steps along the way. I just need to find the wherewithall to keep moving forward. Believe it or not, I don't know where the path leads but I have faith that it is a positive place, so onward I go.
So here's what comes to mind when I try to identify my feelings over the past week or so:
Frustrated. I am currently stuck between a few different rocks and a few different hard places, and in the big picture, many of those rocks are things that I can't change, so it seems up to me to readjust myself to move the hard places instead and I am frustrated by my lack of creativity and drive to make those readjustments.
Angry. I have been angry a lot over the last couple weeks and I have bottled it up and up and up. And as happens once or twice a year when I find myself in this explosive place, I end up blowing my stack at the kids. That was last Saturday. I'd like to not ever do that again. Add parent guilt to this particular arena.
Sad. Loss of hopes and dreams is a hard one to process.
Guilt. So many things that I should do, that I could do, that I haven't done.
Disassociation. When my life gets too hard, I withdraw and I find myself playing the fantasy games I've used since I was a child to escape - telling myself made up stories that feature me in 'parallel universe' type story lines. It's usually a really good sign that I have some work to do in my real life and that I'm desperately trying to avoid whatever it is that needs to be done.
No wonder I've been in a blog-funk. I talk when I'm happy, I am quiet when I'm mad or blue. I'm not seeing a lot of room for happiness or joyfulness up there. Sure, I laughed and smiled along the way - at work, where I get to leave my real world behind. I don't blog about work, so that really doesn't help the writing situation! But despite all that, there is one small little positive feeling to note:
Hope. I'm seeing a glimmer that the path is there for me. I have a plan and have taken some baI'y steps along the way. I just need to find the wherewithall to keep moving forward. Believe it or not, I don't know where the path leads but I have faith that it is a positive place, so onward I go.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Inspirational or disheartening?
A few weeks ago, I read the following quote, attributed to Winston Churchill: "Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm." My immediate reaction was negative - I don't like the idea of viewing my life to date as a series of failures. I do, however, agree that maintaining enthusiasm is a critical piece of moving forward positively in life. So I put the quote aside with a shrug "whatever, Winston..."
Earlier this week, a friend posted the same quote on Facebook, so I commented about my earlier thoughts about it and we had a little back and forth. My friend said something (with a smiley face) about perhaps Winston's opinions were colored by his experience of being attacked by the Nazis.
And this quote and my thoughts about it have stuck with me now for several days. Quite frankly, I think when a person is facing some big event (i.e. attack by the Nazis?) and something doesn't go the way you hope, it is my experience that while an initially lull occurs with the disappointment, if you have the chance to redeem yourself, or take a shot at those damn Nazis again, it might be easy to rally your enthusiasm.
On the other hand, rallying enthusiasm to face another day of the same old same old is hard! I admire people who can come to work every day with a genuine smile on their face, even when you know their job is difficult or boring or unpleasant. I strive to be that person - to meet every day with renewed enthusiasm to do what needs to be done and keep my eyes open for the blessings that sometime appear where you least expect them.
As for the "failure to failure" piece of that quote ... either I haven't had very many (or any) "failures" or else I am in complete denial and am somehow recategorizing things as something else. I have had my share of heartbreak - in relationships, in my career, in my personal life goals - but am I wrong for not calling any of those "failures"? Sure, I could have done things differently or made different choices, but I would never say that I failed at anything. I auditioned for the Concert Choir in college one year and was the last person cut from my section. Did I fail? I was hugely disappointed (the Concert Choir had a European tour that year) and hurt and sad and mad, but I didn't fail - I stood there and I tried. I didn't make it but that doesn't mean I failed. I am no historian but I'm confident in saying that the Nazis bombed the crap out of Great Britain during Churchill's tenure, but does that make him a failure? Not in my opinion.
Earlier this week, a friend posted the same quote on Facebook, so I commented about my earlier thoughts about it and we had a little back and forth. My friend said something (with a smiley face) about perhaps Winston's opinions were colored by his experience of being attacked by the Nazis.
And this quote and my thoughts about it have stuck with me now for several days. Quite frankly, I think when a person is facing some big event (i.e. attack by the Nazis?) and something doesn't go the way you hope, it is my experience that while an initially lull occurs with the disappointment, if you have the chance to redeem yourself, or take a shot at those damn Nazis again, it might be easy to rally your enthusiasm.
On the other hand, rallying enthusiasm to face another day of the same old same old is hard! I admire people who can come to work every day with a genuine smile on their face, even when you know their job is difficult or boring or unpleasant. I strive to be that person - to meet every day with renewed enthusiasm to do what needs to be done and keep my eyes open for the blessings that sometime appear where you least expect them.
As for the "failure to failure" piece of that quote ... either I haven't had very many (or any) "failures" or else I am in complete denial and am somehow recategorizing things as something else. I have had my share of heartbreak - in relationships, in my career, in my personal life goals - but am I wrong for not calling any of those "failures"? Sure, I could have done things differently or made different choices, but I would never say that I failed at anything. I auditioned for the Concert Choir in college one year and was the last person cut from my section. Did I fail? I was hugely disappointed (the Concert Choir had a European tour that year) and hurt and sad and mad, but I didn't fail - I stood there and I tried. I didn't make it but that doesn't mean I failed. I am no historian but I'm confident in saying that the Nazis bombed the crap out of Great Britain during Churchill's tenure, but does that make him a failure? Not in my opinion.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Unscientific research...and my blog.
It appears to me that the mood that strikes along with my PMS (which isn't so much one mood as a spectrum of them) takes away my blogging mojo. One thought I had about it is that I end up so focused on myself (good and bad, depending where I'm at in the spectrum of moods), that I just can't conjure up topics or much of a desire to write. Perhaps the raging hormones squelch my stream of consciousness. What I know is that I have a real conflict between wanting to write something (anything!) and this damper that refuses to release its hold on me.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Stuffed animal angst
Like most families with kids in elementary school, our house is full to the brim with toys: stuffed animals, building toys, crap toys from dollar stores and/or Happy Meals, dolls, Littlest Pet Shop figures, dress-up clothes, etc. I have thrown away so much stuff - the broken, mismatched, dog-chewed, etc. - but there seems to be a never-ending pile. And so, about six months ago, Sean and I started telling the kids that no new stuffed animals come into the house unless they give up five. Never once have the kids even seemed to grasp that idea, but yesterday they did. And last night they each took a bag and started piecing through looking for five stuffed animals they could live without. What one kid put in the bag, the other kid (shrieking in horror) and removed from the bag. It was drama with a capital D! I was half amused at the whole process - except when the negotiations between them turned into yelling and the 9 year old trying to strong arm the 7 year old into giving away something that the 7 year old insisted was her favorite-est toy ever. Keep in mind that these stuffed animals have been in totes, unopened and ignored entirely, for at least three months. But I won't allow strong arming, and the point of this exercise, which I keep repeating, is that they don't have to give away ANY ... keep them all if you like ... but then we won't buy the latest critter that caught your eye at Claire's yesterday.
After finally giving up with about six critters in the bag last night, it started again this morning. Three of the original six came out of the bag (you just can't make this stuff up) and they continue to cull through the pile. The angst seems to have resolved itself and, from the sounds of things in the toy room, they are playing with the animals now, and occasionally putting one in the bag. We shall see if we get to the magic number before we go to the mall later!
After finally giving up with about six critters in the bag last night, it started again this morning. Three of the original six came out of the bag (you just can't make this stuff up) and they continue to cull through the pile. The angst seems to have resolved itself and, from the sounds of things in the toy room, they are playing with the animals now, and occasionally putting one in the bag. We shall see if we get to the magic number before we go to the mall later!
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Vacation in 143 days!
I just booked a flight to Tampa in September, where I will spend 4 nights with my amazing girlfriends from law school. It's been over a year since our last reunion and we are OVERDUE, so it is wonderful to start the countdown. Me and four of my best friends, no kids no husbands no work, and the Gulf of Mexico spread out before us. I think that just might get me through the next 143 days.
Summer is right around the corner. Kids are counting down (9 days of school left), my husband the SAHD is cringing at the thought of all day kid patrol, but for the month of June, the kids will have outside activities every morning. Brooke will be going to summer school for 3 weeks with her current 1st grade teacher and her special ed teacher, to keep working on her skills, to keep up with some routine of school, and to keep addressing her social skills. Jordan is signed up for a week of art, a week of theater, and a week of science/chemistry. And Sean will be counting down to his fishing trip in Canada, which he had to miss last year because he was in Hazelden, so he's raring to go.
Found out yesterday that my parents sold their house, so whatever weekend free time we can find between now and June 27 will be spent trying to help them pack and organize. Thankfully they've been paring down their household contents drastically over the last five years or so, but it's always a big job.
I suspect June will be a whirlwind and the 4th of July will be here before my head stops spinning!
Summer is right around the corner. Kids are counting down (9 days of school left), my husband the SAHD is cringing at the thought of all day kid patrol, but for the month of June, the kids will have outside activities every morning. Brooke will be going to summer school for 3 weeks with her current 1st grade teacher and her special ed teacher, to keep working on her skills, to keep up with some routine of school, and to keep addressing her social skills. Jordan is signed up for a week of art, a week of theater, and a week of science/chemistry. And Sean will be counting down to his fishing trip in Canada, which he had to miss last year because he was in Hazelden, so he's raring to go.
Found out yesterday that my parents sold their house, so whatever weekend free time we can find between now and June 27 will be spent trying to help them pack and organize. Thankfully they've been paring down their household contents drastically over the last five years or so, but it's always a big job.
I suspect June will be a whirlwind and the 4th of July will be here before my head stops spinning!
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